Sermon preached by Dr. John A. Huffman, Jr.
May 11, 2008
Copyright© 2008, John A. Huffman, Jr.
All rights reserved.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her a share in the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the city gates. (Proverbs 31:30-31)

I love Mother's Day here at St. Andrew's! Hasn't it been a joy this morning to recognize the mother who has come from the farthest distance, the oldest mother present and the woman who has most recently become a mother? It's exciting to see the expectancy in your eyes as we celebrate women and that unique role that many women have of being mothers.

My wife Anne shared this with me by email this week. It's titled, A Mother's Purpose by Eric Folkerth. It reads: "Mothers give us both the roots to remember who we are, the wings to become what God wants us to be."

How profound is that statement! I see it operative in my own life. I am a blessed man, at an age some of you consider ancient, to still have a living mother. Dorothy Huffman is age 94, strong of mind, steadfast in character. The woman I know who prays for me, her son, and Miriam, my sister, her daughter, every single day. She certainly meets this definition as one who has given us the roots to remember who we are and the wings to become what God wants us to be. In many ways, the same can be said for my wife Anne's mother, Martha Mortenson, who is here with her in the sanctuary this morning. She, too, is sound of mind, vivacious in spirit, who also has had such a caring, prayerful concern over the years for her four daughters, Marilyn, Anne, Elaine and Kathy. And I see that same quality in my wife and her relationship through the years with our daughters Suzanne, Carla and Janet.

Anne also sent me another email this week titled Mothers Are Always Teaching and Learning. It reads:

A 6-year-old girl had been shopping with her mother. It was pouring outside. They stood with others under the awning just inside the door to the store. They waited, mesmerized by the heavy rainfall. The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance. "Mom, let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" her mom asked. "Let's run through the rain!" she repeated. "No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," her mother replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, let's run through the rain!" "We'll get soaked if we do," her mom said. "No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her mother's arm. "This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?" "Don't you remember? When you were talking to daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!"

The entire crowd fell silent. You couldn't hear anything but the rain. The mother paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. This was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," her mother declared.

Then off they ran, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and through the puddles. They got soaked. But they were followed by others who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

"And a little child shall lead them." (Isaiah 11:6)

- Author unknown

As much as we're here to honor mothers, I'd like to broaden this to address the topic "A Biblical Profile of a Truly Liberated Woman." I don't know of any topic to date that stirs greater controversy than our endeavors to define womanhood.

I spent the last three days at the board meeting of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in Hamilton, Massachusetts. One of our Afro-American women board members, Shirley Redd, professionally is an anesthesiologist. She's also a vivacious Christian woman who, along with her husband, a judge, are very active in their church and faithful as students of the Bible. Quite spontaneously, she asked me, "John, what are you preaching on this weekend?" When I told her the topic, she got excited and mentioned it to some of the other women board members, each of whom wanted to know just what I was going to say.

The generation that has struggled most with this topic are those of my generation, give or take ten years. Our parents' generation had a more traditional understanding of the roles of women. The younger generation has been raised with expectations and opportunities of quite a different nature. Those of us in this transitional generation had to feel our way along, realizing that many of us married with one set of values and expectations, only to find the ground rules shifted right in the middle of our child-raising and adult life. For some of us, this transitional period was not easy.

I do not for a moment imply that the older generation had it any easier. Some women found the traditional roles highly confining, and their tentative endeavors to wrestle philosophically, biblically and theologically were not always understood or appreciated. They sometimes found themselves locked into marriage commitments in which the husbands unilaterally made all the decisions. To question and strike out on their own in any area other than in child raising and homemaking was perceived as stepping outside specific God-given rules. At the same time, there was a kind of security involved in the traditional understanding of male and female roles. Some women adapted quite readily to this understanding and found themselves puzzled by the struggles of their daughters and daughters-in-law.

At the other end of the spectrum, the children and grandchildren of my transitional generation seem to have had it easier. Their roles are not clearly defined. Women have had much greater opportunity in business and the professions. Yet, it is not as easy as it may appear to be. How many times I have counseled with younger women who are struggling with the desire on the one hand to be a wife and a mother, giving quality time, nurture and energy to those responsibilities, and at the same time desiring to fulfill her God-given gifts intellectually and professionally. Add to that the fact that she lives in Orange County without inherited wealth, it is almost essential that both the husband and wife are employed. Otherwise, it's almost impossible to become a homeowner.

You young women today are very aware that there are trade-offs, and sometimes those trade-offs are quite difficult. Educational development and career advancement, in many cases, do not lend themselves to some specific wifely and maternal desires. The biological clock is running for some who have been quite successful in business but, in quiet moments, the feeling is expressed that there is something missing, something very important. While for those who have chosen the marriage and child-raising route and only later enter the professional marketplace, there is a sense that they have to play catch-up professionally in a highly competitive environment.

Then, of course, there was, in my generation, all that upheaval and churning in terms of male-female roles. In marriage after marriage that I observed, and in some case counseled, you could pretty well chart the role expectations and the marital dynamics of the "Bell curve" of the emerging feminist movement of the 1960s and the 1970s. A woman married in the 1950s and 1960s, with one whole set of expectations, culturally encouraged, saw the ground rules change, bringing a threatening disequilibrium to the husband-wife relationship.

So the debate continued on over the feminist agenda. I'd prefer not to use labels, because the honest, valid issues being discussed dare not be trivialized by formulistic labels, rhetorically evoked by non-rational, emotive reactions. The facts are that, from the standpoint of biblical Christianity, the human rights of both men and women must be championed.

Let's take a good, hard look at what the Bible really says about women. What I will try to do in the time that remains this morning is give us a simple outline of some observations from one passage of the Bible that can trigger our thinking and continuing discussion. God's Word does have some things to say generically about what God dreams for women, even as He has some very similar dreams for men. What we really are talking about is God's concept of humanity. For purposes today, let's look at one specific vision God has for women. It appears to me to be "A Biblical Profile of a Truly Liberated Woman."

The text is a very familiar passage of God's Word. It is Proverbs 31:10-31. Let's let the biblical passage outline itself. I will simply identify and comment briefly on eight characteristics that mark God's concept, God's profile of a good woman. What I think we'll quickly discover is that this person is a truly liberated woman.

Characteristic One: She is capable.

Proverbs 31:10 reads, "A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels."

God's Word is describing a first-class human being. That is what God dreams of every woman being. His vision is not one of a second-class citizen. The woman described here in Proverbs has a built-in worth that goes far beyond the greatest financial fortune one can imagine.

The NIV translates this, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth more than rubies" (Proverbs 31:10 NIV).

This woman feels good about herself. She carries herself with dignity. She does not see herself as a extension of her jewelry, her house, her car, her clothing. She takes these material things seriously but does not find her identity in them. She has a sense of intrinsic worth. She sees herself as capable, one who can temporarily use all the things of this world in a way that enhances who she is and those who come in contact with her.

You see, she refuses to be a commodity, a sexual and domestic object sold on the market to the highest bidder. She has a self respect that comes from knowing that she's created in the very image of God. She has come to realize that she is not just an extension of a man; nor is she defined by whether or not she is married and by what she owns.

Characteristic Two: She inspires trust.

Proverbs 31:11-12 states, "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."

The woman described in this passage happens to be married. This significant other, called her husband, trusts her. He has confidence in her as a human being. He sees her as someone who is capable of life without him and therefore, in the process, brings something to the relationship of holistic integrity.

To be this kind of a woman, one does not have to be married. Single or married, she is a person who has integrity and is admired for the fact that her word is her bond. She's not a person who trivializes life. The people who know her are not going to be surprised by a slight-of-hand double-cross, by clever manipulation or by exploitive behavior.

I have come to have a very deep appreciation for some single women who do not have it easy. Some of them have never been married. There standards have been high, and they have refused to compromise their expectations so as to simply wear the label "married." Others of them have been married but, due to the tragedy of death or traumatized relationship, are widowed or divorced.

I remember a few years ago, when Anne and I attended the fiftieth birthday party of one of our single women, a mother who, for many years after her divorce, had borne responsibility for raising the child of her previous marriage. It was a fun occasion. She was surrounded by many of her friends here at St. Andrew's, some married and some single, many of whom had gotten to know each other through Bill Flanagan's singles ministry. This woman, who would be embarrassed if her name was mentioned, survived the typical roasts that we give at these milestone birthdays. But what I noted was a kind of ultimate respect with which even the most jovial roast concluded. She had lived, and continued to live, with circumstances not always easy, but as a confidence-inspiring mother, elder, friend and colleague.

There's something so special about a woman who does not trivialize life but lives it with integrity that inspires confidence.

Characteristic Three: She is industrious.

This comes perhaps as a shock to those who have been indoctrinated with the notion that Christianity calls for a somewhat weak, helpless, dependent woman who is attached to a strong, creative, dominant man. Nothing could be farther from the truth, although I will be the first to admit that, at times, we have distorted the biblical mandate in favor of a culturally defined woman held in the shackles of our male chauvinism.

I'm going to read to you a description of this woman. Listen carefully as I read it. It was written under divine inspiration close to three thousand years ago. You will have to decode some of the culturally conditioned illusions. Demand of your mind an extraction of the essence of who this woman is. You will find it a profile of an amazingly liberated woman who has the total freedom of the marketplace. Proverbs 31:13-19 reads:

She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from far away.
She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and tasks for her servant-girls.
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle."

This passage goes on to describe other ways in which she does business in the marketplace. Does this sound like a stereotype you sometimes hear of a Christian woman confined to the home, refused access to the world of business, ideas and public service? Not for a moment! You couldn't ask for a much more contemporary woman, could you? Replace references to an agrarian society, which is still reality in most of the world today, with the technological realities of the world in which you and I live. This is a woman who understands computers. She studies the stock market. She knows real estate. She is physically fit. She is not a mousey little person hidden away from the realities of contemporary existence.

Characteristic Four: She is compassionate.

Proverbs 31:20 reads, "She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy."

St. Andrew's is filled with such good, compassionate women.

They are most visible when you see them taking time to help others in the prominent activities of our church. Because of the building program, we will not be having Daily Vacation Bible School in its normal form. We'll pick it up again next year. But some of my happiest memories are those of seeing scores of women taking the time to give their week to leading Daily Vacation Bible School.

The same goes for the Rummage Sale and the $50,000-plus each year that has been raised for missions by the Presbyterian Women. These monies are over and above the twenty-five percent of our current operation which your Session designates for mission beyond St. Andrew's. I've never seen such an intense dedication and quality of work as when these women come together for this great project.

What we don't see, in quite as visible a way, are the hundreds of you women who teach in the Sunday school, who are youth sponsors, who take valuable time and money to go on mission projects and go out of your way to serve in various community projects, motivated by the fact that this is not just your Christian duty, but it is your responsibility and privilege.

Through the years, I've been so inspired by women who have been quick to respond to the needs both within our congregation and outside of the church. When there's a disaster like Myanmar, it's often women who call and say, "What can we do?" When there's a family in crisis, it's so often a woman who moves right in to help.

Characteristic Five: She is an encourager.

Proverbs 31:23 states, "Her husband is known in the city gates, taking his seat among the elders of the land."

Proverbs 31:26-28 reads, "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband too, and he praises her."

This good woman encourages her husband, if she's married, to be all that he can be. Hers is not a competitive relationship with her spouse and with her children. Her children see her as a human being who is genuinely interested in the best of other people. She brings out that higher self in others. As a result, her children and her husband call her blessed.

I remember one week leading up to Mother's Day, when my executive assistant, Toni Wood, told me about an anonymous call she had received from a woman who feels related to our congregation. She identified herself as both a daughter and a therapist. She left some suggestions with Toni for me to include in my Mother's Day sermon. She thought that they would be helpful in a spiritual context for mothers and daughters. Let me read the three suggestions she had for mothers.

First, allow adult children to live their own lives and try not to control them.

Second, mothers and daughters should try to see each other through each other's eyes.

Three, mothers should open the way to accept other races, other cultures, to not be prejudiced, hoping to model for their daughters what it is to be an open, accepting, encouraging person.

When I read this memo, I facetiously remarked to Toni, "Would you call her back and have her write an introduction and conclusion, and that could be the message of the morning." The fact was, she did not even leave her name or telephone number. The reality is that she was calling on women, mothers in particular, to be encouragers of their daughters, sensitive, sympathetic and open minded.

Characteristic Six: She has strength.

Proverbs 31:25 reads, "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."

I find it fascinating to realize that the woman described here in the Book of Proverbs is not a person dependent upon her husband, her parents, or her children. She has autonomy. She has a good understanding of who she is. She sees life as it is with all of its complexities. She is aware that in this world there will be trouble and difficulty. She doesn't shy away from that. In fact, she has developed a sense of humor that has a kind of whimsical, lyrical perspective on life.

She actually ". . . laughs at the time to come."

Too many of us men and women live in dependency modes. Our lives are enmeshed with our partners, our children and our parents. We are not prepared for the curve balls life throws at us. When one of the significant others in our life messes up and lets us down, we are destroyed. God did not create you and me to be destroyed by the mistakes and the injustices of other persons. He did create us to be in relationship. The healthiest relationships are those that are built between two autonomous human beings who give themselves to each other, not in neurotic dependency but in healthy interdependence, from positions of humble strength.

At our recent Couples' Retreat, our speaker, John Trent, used puppets to describe the four basic personality types. We don't have the time here to give full definition to each of them, but he divided basic human personalities into four animal categories. There are the lions who instinctively are strong, take charge, but at times can be a bit overbearing. There are the otters who are fun-loving, spontaneous and don't always follow through on everything. There are the golden retrievers who are loving, accepting, caring, sensitive, even to the point that sometimes they can be taken advantage of in that they're not that critical of others. And there are the beavers who are industrious, responsible, highly task oriented. The builders sometimes don't take the time to sit back and enjoy what they've accomplished.

In our marriage, Anne and I are combinations of two of these animals. I tend to be the lion--take charge--combined with the beaver--the builder, no nonsense person for whom the word "responsibility" is my favorite word. Anne, too, is a lion, but she's also an otter, in that she brings fun, spontaneity and enthusiasm to my otherwise fairly bland existence. When I'm inclined to worry and obsess about things, she has the capacity to "laugh at the time to come." That cheery countenance means to much.

Characteristic Seven: She understands true beauty.

Proverbs 31:30 reads, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

How sad it is to see women or men who are trying desperately to look young. Our society has given great rewards to virile, vital, beautiful people. One of the greatest curses in the world can be to be too beautiful. I've observed an occasional woman who simply doesn't understand beauty. She receives a lot of attention. She is courted by many men. She finds it difficult to settle down with one man when the flattery of others continues to be so prevalent.

She also doesn't understand that youthful physical beauty has a way of mellowing through the years and, in panic, stresses out in those fad diets, makeup routines and cosmetic surgeries in an impassioned quest for the fountain of youth. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with diets, makeup and cosmetic surgery. All I'm saying is what a contrast it is, what a joy it is to see a woman who keeps herself up, looking her very best externally, while concentrating on those deeper human values of a personal, relational, intellectual and spiritual nature that brings a charm and a ripening beauty that makes her a joy to behold.

I remember as a young man admiring so much the wife of one of my father's dear friends. I told my dad one day how beautiful I thought she was, and he looked at me quite startled. He couldn't believe that we were talking about the same person, because he had never seen her as particularly beautiful compared to other women he had known. But, somehow, I had never really looked analytically at her aging physical appearance. I didn't need to. I had been so attracted by the radiance of her countenance, the kind things that she did for people, the sensitive way in which she listened to me and treated me as a human being, that, as far as I was concerned, I argued then and would still argue today that she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever met.

Characteristic Eight: She trusts in the Lord.

Proverbs 31:30-31 reads, ". . . but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her a share in the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the city gates."

Godliness marks the life of a good woman. She trusts in the Lord. She has a growing relationship with the Lord. She has a growing relationship with her Creator. She knows she is not perfect and puts her trust in Jesus Christ alone for the meaning, the forgiveness, for the strength to live one day at a time. Her model is not that of the superficial celebrity who lives one-dimensionally as a sexual object. This woman has life in perspective. She knows where she came from. She knows where she is going. She lives in the present, empowered by the Spirit of God. This woman has committed her life to the Lord. She loves Him and serves Him. That healthy love spills out into the lives of others she meets.

This woman, marked by these eight characteristics, meets the biblical profile of a truly liberated woman!

What I'm talking about is best expressed in these words of yearning titled A Mother's Day Prayer written by Dorothy Sickal:

Sing me no eulogy of praise,
Give me no hallowed stool;
Just let me be my children's friend,
Their bulwark in life's school.

Don't make of me a gilded queen,
Or unsophisticated clod,
But let me understand their needs,
And point their way to God.

Help me to live the things I preach,
Admit my faults and fears.
O let me be humbled enough
To blend with theirs my tears.

Let me be firm to earn their trust;
Not gullible or weak.
Let my child know I care enough
To mean it when I speak!

This world needs mothers with a goal,
Unswayed by changing fad,
Who love the Lord and by His grace,
Can tell good from the bad.

I seek no sentimental crown,
No high and lofty praise,
But give me children who will stand
Through these ungodly days.

The greatest "thank you" I could ask,
Most satisfying pay,
Will come when they are at Christ's side
On God's great Judgment Day!